7 LIFE LESSONS FROM THE MOST INSPIRING LEADER I’VE EVER MET

We were packing up our pool bag to head out to see some friends for the 4th of July when I got a Facebook Messenger notification from a woman my mom loved. 

I opened it, read through it, and tears immediately formed in my eyes as I handed it to Jami to read.

Mary Kay, the organization of women that my mom was a huge part of, holds their Seminar every year in July. As a kid this was always in Dallas, a trip that mom and dad would take while I stayed with a friend.

This year it’s in Charlotte. The message was from my mom’s friend Allison…she said there were so many people who loved and remembered mom, but some who had only heard about her and never had the chance to meet her.

She asked if I’d be interested in coming to talk to her unit about mom, one of the biggest honors of my life.

Well, tonight’s the night. And as I thought about some of the timeless principles that I’ve learned from her and want to share this evening, I figured they’d be valuable for you too.

You actually get a little more polished version, because tonight as I talk about her I’ll probably be more akin to a poor excuse for a mime trying to get my point out through a constant stream of tears. 

7 lessons for business and life. Here we go.

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Passion and purpose as the fuel

Mom LOVED what she did. She didn’t have a job, she didn’t simply run a business, she had a purpose that she lived every single day.

One of the reasons mom loved Mary Kay so much was that she could empower women on a daily basis. Her business was to inspire other women. To make them feel better about themselves. To help them realize their dream. 

It was incredibly important to her, and it was what made her so successful.

Naval Ravikant explains this in a great way. “Building specific knowledge will feel like play to you but look like work to others.”

In that context, mom rarely worked. She played. Every single day. And the results, in business and in her personal life, proved that it worked.

It took me a while to realize I’m the exact same way. I can’t pursue something simply to make money…I need it to be fueled by passion towards an important purpose. When that’s not aligned, I feel lost.

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A role model for marriage

I was engaged in my early 20s…it felt like the next step that I was supposed to take, so I proposed.

This was early in my time in the Army, and about 6 months out from the wedding I was at a training exercise out in the California desert where I had almost 3 weeks of no contact with the outside world. I also was a newbie at my unit and didn’t have much of a job at the time, so I had a ton of time to think.

I had this nagging feeling that something was off. My fiance was a good person and hadn’t done anything wrong, but something felt off. 

My mom had passed a couple years prior, but I thought about the relationship between her and my dad. 

Their relationship was incredible, and it set a standard for what I wanted. As I dug deep during these couple of weeks of solitude I realized that I didn’t believe our relationship would live up to that standard. I was too young, too naive, and not ready.

So I ended the engagement…from a Humvee…on the other side of the country…not a great move. But that solitude provided clarity and conviction. 

Marriage wasn’t something that I was just going to jump into because a relationship was good and it felt like the next step. The standard for marriage was greatness and excellence. And mom as a role model changed my life in that situation.

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A role model for parenting

One of the reasons I’m so passionate about entrepreneurship is that I saw the opportunities it afforded mom.

She was always present. She always showed up to my baseball games and to any of my activities. She was the cool mom that all my friends in high school wanted to be around. 

But she also worked her ass off. She was a night owl (an innate habit I’ve had to work so hard to overcome lol), and I regularly saw her at 11pm or midnight working in her office with a smile on her face.

I got to see the opportunity that entrepreneurship and her business afforded her and us as a family. She showed a unique version of work-life balance by making them both a standard part of her life. Her “work” was serving women. Her “life” was serving her family, her community, and her church. There was enormous overlap.

I also got to be a part of her business. I got to help her out in her office filled with Mary Kay inventory. I got to help her set up some of her weekly Monday night meetings. I got to go on road trips through the Midwest to go visit her unit and lead events for them.

She made it clear that I was incredibly loved all the time. She showed me what it means to live your purpose. And she integrated me into that process, something that I try to remember more and more with Adeline.

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Unapologetically herself (and weird)

She was so weird. I can’t help but laugh through a giant smile as I type that…she had a quirky sense of humor that I absolutely loved. 

No matter what we were doing she was unapologetically herself. Whether it was screaming at the TV for Jack Bauer to watch out for the bad guy behind him, trusting every piece of nonsense that my dad spewed as practical jokes (like “educating” her about spaghetti trees, convincing her that state lines were real lines in the ground, or a thousand other pranks), or acting like a teenager with my best friend Jake and I at 1 in the morning, she never pretended to be anything but Gail Patton Menefee.

One time we were leaving Dairy Queen and she backed into one of the yellow cement pillars…she was so frustrated and therefore “absolved” in the accident because the man in the truck next to us was looking at her, which is why she ran into the pillar

She probably knocked off a half dozen car mirrors on the frame of the garage door too.

It wasn’t until I was older, particularly once I got into business for myself with real estate, that I really started seeing this same thing playing out in myself (without the car accidents). 

I was a weirdo, just lIke her. I missed the little things all the time because my mind was constantly on other seemingly more important things. She was always working on herself, but she never apologized for who she was.

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Serving others ALWAYS

I mentioned earlier that she was always “on”. Mom recruited people into Mary Kay by doing one extremely simple thing…she made them feel beautiful and asked if they wanted to come be a model.

And then she’d invite them to her weekly Monday meeting, give them a makeover, make them feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, and they’d fall in love with her.

When mom was sick we had a Caring Bridge page for her, and when she died we held the memorial service at the enormous Wooddale Church main sanctuary because of the number of people who attended.

There was one common theme I heard over and over, both in the comments section of her Caring Bridge and from the hundreds of people I spoke to at her service…

“I only met your mom one time/briefly/a couple times, and she changed my life.”

Wherever she went, whoever she talked to, she made them feel like the center of the universe. 

Her mantra was “God first, family second, business third.” Her deep faith inspired her and called her to serve, and she lived that calling. Every. Single. Day.

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Mindset is everything

”If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you’re right.”

This was one of mom’s many sayings. She constantly talked about the power of positive thinking, she kept her vision in front of her, she was mindful of the words that came out of her mouth, she had her affirmations, she preached visualization, and she abhorred negativity.

There was one in particular that annoyed the hell out of me. I said something about how I tried to do something, and she said “you either do or you don’t. There is no trying.” I thought that was ridiculous, so I pushed back.

She set a pen down in front of me, looked me in the eyes, and said “try to pick this up.”

When I reached forward and grabbed it she said “no, don’t pick it up. TRY to pick it up.”

I rolled my eyes, argued that I did try and I was just successful, had some fun banter for a while as I annoyingly belabored the point and acted as if the pen was a thousand pounds, and the lesson only partially hit home.

Now it makes way more sense. She was a positive person, she inspired positivity in others, and she knew that if she inspired me to just say that I could do it, I could.

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Making a wave

”Your mom truly was a rockstar…still a legend to this day in the MK world.”

This is the message that Allison sent me yesterday, 15+ years after mom’s death.

As was evidenced by her memorial service and her Caring Bridge, mom made a difference in countless lives. 

Her goal wasn’t to be famous, or to make a name for herself, or to seek glory, it was to help people. To be a servant of God. To be a good mother and wife, a good friend, and a good leader.

And as a result she helped people navigate terrible situations. She gave them a sense of peace and purpose when they felt lost. She gave them a strong shoulder when they were down. She served as a beacon of hope for anyone she came in contact with.

She didn’t shrink…she rose to the occasion. She lived her purpose. She left her mark.

She was the most inspirational leader I’ve ever met, and her legacy lives on every single day.

And hopefully a couple of these lessons will be impactful enough for her to leave her mark on you as well.